The Witch

Mob Leader: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Angry Mob: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!














Sir Bedevere: How do you know she is a witch?
Mob Leader: Well, she looks like one!
Sir Bedevere: Bring her forward.
"Witch": I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one.
"Witch": They dressed me up like this...
Angry Mob: No! Nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
"Witch": And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up the fake nose] Well?
Mob Leader: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose....?
Angry Mob: And the hat, but she is a witch!.
Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Angry Mob: NO! No!... Yes, a bit, a bit. But she has got a wart.

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think that she is a witch?
Mr. Newt: What, she turned me into a newt.
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Mr. Newt: ........... I got better.
Angry Mob: BURN HER ANYWAY!!!! BURN HER!!!!















Sir Bedevere: Quiet, quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Angry Mob: There are??? Are there??? Tell us. Tell us. Do they hurt?
Sir Bedevere: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
Mr. Newt: Burn them!
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Mr. Newt: More witches! [Peasant gets slapped]

Peasant #2: Wood!
Sir Bedevere: So, why do witches burn?
Peasant #3: .......... 'Cause they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good! So how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

Peasant #1: Build a bridge out of her!
Sir Bedevere: Ahh, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Peasant #1: Oh ya.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me, Does wood sink in water?
Peasant #1: No, no, it floats. Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What also floats in water?
Peasant #1: Bread
Peasant #2: Apples
Peasant #3: Very small rocks
Peasant #1: Cider
Peasant #2: Gravy
Peasant #3: Cherries
Peasant #1: Mud
Peasant #2: Churches
Peasant #3: Lead! Lead!

King Arthur: A duck!
Sir Bedevere: Exactly! So, logically.....
Angry Mob: If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore?
Angry Mob: A Witch!

[Having been revealed to weigh the same as a duck, therefore proving her a witch]
"Witch": It's a fair cop.